Greta Van Susteren Made an App Or Something-Really We Have No Clue What She Is Talking About
Have you been wondering what
The anchor-turned-developer announced Sorry this morning in a long, bizarre, stream-of-consciousness Facebook post filled with random capitalizations and awkward asides.
"SNAPCHAT AND INSTAGRAM are about to get some competition! This will be fun and hopefully get us all thinking...." Van Susteren trails off before cracking her knuckles and revving back up again. "Chances are you may need my new APP (at least once in a while) or know someone who does need it (and maybe more than once in a while!) I know I have needed this APP."
Van Susteren goes on to explain she has been developing the app (APP?) for more than a year, since she left Fox in September 2016. "I never dreamed that I could actually make it a reality..me, an APP?"
Yes, you! Dreams really do come true. Van Susteren seems beyond excited that her APP is finally "COMING NOVEMBER 14 to the APP STORE!" But maybe not as excited as her husband. As Van Susteren writes:
[I]t has been fun working on it even when my husband has teased me when I have not been at my best, saying "you need the app" which then makes us both laugh...and all is well. Yes, you know "you've got mail" well...I am hoping people will start saying "you need the APP" (but in good spirit.)
What we know about the APP comes from Van Susteren herself. She said she doesn't want to give away too many details yet, and "more features will roll out over time." But what she does share about the functionality of the APP only leads to more questions.
You will get to 'accept or reject' apologies from a friend (kept private between you and your friend) or 'accept or reject' apologies of public figures which we ALL get to see and vote to accept or reject. We all get to see what others think about accept or reject of public apologies when we see the numbers roll in on those very public apologies. Eg, imagine if you and everyone else got to vote 'accept or reject' when Kathy Griffin apologized? Was it enough? or not? And how would she know if her apology was accepted without the vote counter? Or how about when a cable news network apologizes for a blunder? A politician for cheating on a spouse? Dove Soap for that commercial? Even India's biggest airline is apologizing today. It is just endless... But that is just a tease...
Sure it sounds bonkers. But maybe, just maybe, this APP is exactly what will restore balance to this divided nation. Imagine-if you even can-a utopia where a soap brand could simply use an APP to apologize for a racist advertisement, leaving it to the users to determine whether or not the company deserves atonement. What if We The People of APP could vote on whether a comedian is a patriot or apostate. Could we ground an airplane just by the pure force of our mass rejection of that plane's apology?
No, Mr. Creepy Cheating Senator, I don't accept your apology for cheating on your spouse. Tap-tap: The APPoteriat have spoken! Be gone, sir!
God, I can't wait until November 14. Maybe this APP will save us. Maybe it was Van Susteren's destiny to get booted from cable news so she could create
Here's the strange and beautiful screed in its entirety:
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm trying to remove it.